truth be told...

this has been one of those weeks where God has had a lot to say to me and a lot to teach me. i have been doing a lot of thinking and praying lately about my relationship with Jesus and my devotion to holiness. the closer i come to knowing Him the more i come to realize how little i know Him. it is like walking towards your shadow with a bright light behind you. at first it may seem like each step you take brings you closer but it keeps getting larger and larger and further and further away. it is important to understand that all analogies are (by definition) flawed and this one is no exception, it just helps me kind of understand it. the more progress i make in knowing Jesus and the more i develop my relationship with Him the more i come to understand how little i know of Him. also, the more i come to know Him the more i come to see how full of wickedness and evil i am. lately the Holy Spirit has been convicting me of the things i spend my time on and the excuses i make for sin in my life. it's so easy when you are in sin to rationalize and justify your actions but the closer you come to the truth that is Christ you find yourself completely at a loss for excuses.

today in chapel we had Cody Pelham share the Word with us today. it is so refreshing to sit in a service where Scripture is presented faithfully and given room to speak on its own. Mr. Pelham was fantastically faithful to read to us the Word of God and allow it to minister to us itself. as he spoke i could understand in the Scripture the journey of revelation that God has been leading me through.

he started in Jeremiah 2:13 which says "My people have committed two sins: they have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water..." in this chapter, God is speaking through Jeremiah in "the hearing" of the city of Jerusalem, and He is recounting how Israel has forsaken Him. the story of the early nation of Israel is replete with failure and sin and wickedness. it is interesting to note that of all the things that the nation has done that were evil, God boils down the failures into "two sins." there are two things that have been done by this people. they have "forsaken me," and they have "dug their own cisterns." what it all comes down to in the sin of the nation of israel is this... they have turned away from God and sought their satisfaction elsewhere. everything they have done that was wicked was a direct result of those two sins.

mr. Pelham went on to share a New Testament example of this scenario for us. the picture he used was that of Jesus and the samaritan woman in John 4. here Jesus begins a dialogue with this woman and talks about "living water." eventually when he comes to the climax of his conversation with this woman he declares to her the situation in which she has been living. she has been married 5 times and is currently living in sin with someone who is not her husband. this woman has dug for herself her own cistern and she has sought to fill it again and again but for some reason, it will not hold any water for her. it drains and she moves on to fill it again somewhere else. Jesus identifies this problem of hers and speaks to her heart. in verse 25 she believes in the Messiah who is coming and who will make things clear to them and in verse 26 Jesus offers her the answer to her problems when he says "I who speak to you am he." what an overwhelming statement.

these stories reflect the struggles of my own heart. how i have rejected God and dug my own cisterns and sought to have them full but how they constantly let me down. as i have come closer to Christ (by His grace in drawing me to Himself) i have begun to fill my broken cistern with His living water. now i have been convicted by the Holy Spirit and it is my duty to repair the broken cistern so that i will be able to retain the water that Jesus pours into my life.

i am not sure i even understand anything that i just wrote but God is working in my heart and in my mind. i hope that maybe this made sense to some of you. hopefully i will come to understand it better myself soon. be blessed my friends.

marksantistevan.